The late author and social critic, bell hooks, taught us that love cannot exist in a framework of domination. That’s why true, thorough love is still so far out of reach for many, because too many still believe someone must dominate and someone must submit in a romantic relationship.
For generations, we’ve been told that love requires hierarchy. That one partner must lead while the other follows. This belief didn’t fall from the sky—it was engineered. Patriarchal religions, colonial economic systems, and traditional marriage structures conditioned us to believe that order could only exist through oppression. We internalized the idea that families run more “smoothly” when one person holds the reins and the other person melts into the background.
The Servant/Master Dynamic Was Never About Love
The servant/master template wasn’t built for intimacy—it was designed for control. Historically, women were property, and marriage was a transfer of ownership. Partnership wasn’t the goal; obedience was. So even now, when modern couples talk about “traditional roles,” they’re unknowingly drawing from a system rooted in exploitation. These old scripts have survived because they benefit the people on top and keep the people on the bottom too afraid, too exhausted, or too conditioned to question them.
When a man asks a woman to “submit,” he is asking her to surrender a portion of her autonomy. He is asking her to silence her intuition, mute her objections, and outsource her decision-making to him.
And whether he realizes it or not, he is simultaneously positioning himself as the dominator. Because submission cannot exist without domination. A woman cannot submit unless someone is there to claim authority over her.
If You Ask for Submission, What Are You Offering in Return?
This is the question most men can’t or won’t answer. If a woman hands over responsibility and decision-making power, she is entitled to something of value in return: genuine concern for her welfare, deep care, and protection of her emotional, physical, and psychological well-being.
If a man cannot provide more safety, wisdom, compassion, structure, general satisfaction, and a higher quality of life than she can provide for herself, what exactly qualifies him to lead her? Asking for submission without offering superior care is simply asking for privilege without accountability.
Submission, after all, is a choice, not a necessity. Women need to internalize this truth: submission is voluntary, not mandatory. It is not owed, not automatic, not biologically predetermined. Grown women don’t need adoptive fathers.
Submission is not a feminine trait; it is a strategic relational decision. And no woman should ever relinquish the birthright of her self-dominion to someone who cannot enhance her quality of life. Evolved Love recognizes this and replaces hierarchy with reciprocity, domination with cooperation, and antiquated roles with conscious partnership.
What Does Equitable Love Look Like in the Real World?
Equitable love is not theoretical—it is deeply practical. It just makes more sense. It shows up in daily habits, conversations, responsibilities, and emotional exchanges among mature adults, too. It isn’t about trying to split everything 50/50 like automatons who can’t grasp life’s nuances. It’s about creating balance, more fairness, and mutual investment.
Below are four examples of what Evolved Love looks like in real life, and how it transforms relationships.
Example #1: The Household Co-CEO Swap
In one modern couple, both partners work full-time. Instead of assuming the woman should manage the household, they rotate the “household CEO” role every quarter. For three months, one partner handles scheduling, finances, grocery planning, and doctor appointments; the next quarter, the other partner takes the lead. This prevents burnout and encourages the regular generation of fresh ideas. It also keeps resentment, and invisible labor from piling on one person. The benefit? Both partners develop empathy, competence, and awareness of domestic needs. The home becomes a shared ecosystem, not a gendered workplace.
Example #2: Emotional Labor Accountability
Another couple realized that the woman was acting as the emotional manager—soothing, translating, guiding, nurturing, anticipating his needs while ignoring her own. Instead of accepting this as the norm, the man committed to therapy, communication workshops, and journaling to develop emotional literacy.
He started initiating difficult conversations instead of avoiding them, and he began supporting her through her stresses as actively as she supported him. The benefit? The emotional balance shifted from one-sided caregiving to mutual nourishment. Attraction and sex increased because the woman no longer felt emotionally starved and physically drained.
Example #3: Financial Collaboration Instead of Financial Control
In a third couple, the man earned more and assumed financial control. But instead of using money as leverage or justification to cheat and dominate the family members, he sat down with his partner to build a transparent financial strategy.
They made decisions together, created shared goals, and ensured both contributions—financial and domestic—were valued equally. The benefit? The woman felt respected and empowered, and the man felt relieved of the unspoken burden of being the “provider”, since she was making a valuable contribution in co-managing alongside him. Their partnership became a place of freedom, not pressure.
Example #4: Caregiving Equity When Life Gets Hard
In a fourth couple, the woman became seriously ill. Historically, this is where many men check out emotionally or physically—but in this relationship, the man stepped into nurturing without hesitation. He took over housework, prepared meals, coordinated medical appointments, and learned how to read her physical cues.
He asked what she needed instead of assuming. He demonstrated partnership rather than demanding her strength. The benefit? She healed faster because she felt supported and that afforded her the luxury of a little more peace of mind; he matured because he learned to care in ways he never had. Their bond deepened beyond anything traditional gender roles could offer.
Evolved Love Is a Mutual Rising, Not a Hierarchy
When love is equitable, both people grow. Both people rest. Both people lead at times and follow at times. Both people feel heard, valued, and supported. The old model creates power imbalance; the Evolved Love model creates expansion. No one shrinks. No one dominates. Everyone serves through love rather than coercion. Everyone thrives.
The old model produced dependence while the evolved model cultivates sovereignty. Traditional gender roles keep people small: women small in power, men small in knowledge. But Evolved Love expands both partners. When no one is the master and no one is the servant, everyone gains the space to become who they truly are. In this way, relationships become platforms for self-actualization and expansive joy.
Equitable love results in healthier families. When labor, emotion, caregiving, and decision-making are shared, families become stronger. Children grow up seeing cooperation, too, and they learn that love is not about control, but about compassion and shared responsibility. This produces healthier adults, healthier children, and healthier communities.
The world is shifting. Women are reclaiming autonomy and some men are learning emotional intelligence. Everyone in these kinds of dynamics is reaping the benefits of true love—and it’s high time more get on board. The partnerships of tomorrow require a foundation not in domination or submission, but in sovereignty, collaboration, and conscious choice.
Equitable love is the future. Evolved Love is the blueprint. No servants. No masters.
Just mature humans meeting each other eye to eye.
